Toddlers and Teenagers

I was still recovering from shock after my husband told me he owns exactly two pairs of work pants when I decided what we would be doing with our Saturday. If I had been in such a pant predicament, I would have remedied the problem months ago. Off to the mall we would go.

Because husband was demolishing our bathroom (a blog for another day), I alone packed Charlie and Will into the car and headed to the outlet mall. Charlie was told that if he behaved himself, he would get to ride the mechanical cars that take quarters. Now, although Charlie has moments of toddler naughtiness, I often think about how he really is a good kid. Let's look at a typical example of Charlie behavior.

Charlie and I: shopping at Safeway, Charlie starts to run away.
Me: Charlie! Stop right there!
Charlie slows to a slo-mo run, but is moving away from me nonetheless.
Me: One.... two....
Charlie stops running and freezes in place.
Me: Now come back and stand here.
With a sly smile, he turns around and returns to me, taking my hand.

Aw. I mean, I am disappointed that he thinks to be naughty in the first place, but he listens so well. Sometimes he even follows up with, "Sorry mommy."

So today I was really in for a shock. I brought our double stroller with us, with Will lying in his seat clutching his velvet hippo and Charlie strapped into the seat closest to me, facing me. We are at the second row of pants, and the 20 year-old lad who works there is helping me find husband's size. I look down, and find Charlie has squirted apple juice all over the floor and stroller, humming happily.

Now. The wonderful discipline book I just read is all about teaching kids personal responsibility through consequences (rather than discipline because that causes kids to feel resentment toward their authority figure, rather than helping them think about what they have done and learning from it), so when the clerk offered to mop up the mess, I said No. I instead asked him to give Charlie some paper towels. Two minutes later, Charlie is done cleaning up his mess... only problem is, he seemed to have enjoyed his consequence. The Book doesn't say what to do about that.

You can see where this story is going. Instead of me taking a paragraph to explain each indescretion, how about I devote one sentence for each. Here are the things I said to him over the next 20 minutes:
"Stop dragging that new shirt on the ground."
"Don't bang those hangers together."
"Did you hear me?"
"If you run away from me again, a crazy man is going to kidnap you. Stay with me."
"Stop licking the mirror."
"Stop pulling Will's stroller."
"I said stop pulling the stroller."
"Don't pull the stroller."
"If you pull the stroller again, you will get a car time-out."
"I need you to stop screaming in the store."
"This behavior is not acceptable."
And, finally:
"We are not going to ride the cars today."

And, except for the multiple warnings given, I did what the book told me to do: I packed the kids in the car, the mechanical cars not enjoyed by us, and headed home. Sadly, Charlie had no tears. In fact, he didn't seem to care at all.

I might have broken some of the rules in the book. With his first infraction, I was supposed to say something like, "How sad. Looks like a little car time." With the second infraction, I should have said, "How sad. Guess it is time to go home." Repeating threats over and over is a strict no-no.

Which brings me to my inner debate on the topic of discipline. I don't like to follow strict guidelines, let alone impose them. Ask any of my former employers how I seem to feel about guidelines. I am a hard worker, don't get me wrong. I am creative, I have good ideas, I play well with others. But I also sometimes take extended lunch breaks, arrive late to work, leave early if it seems the right thing to do, and sometimes my work is inconsistent from one day to the next, depending on my mood.

But when it comes to discipline, in theory, I believe the rules need to be consistent, regardless of parental mood or desires.

I remind myself of this: The Book says to think about how current consequences will make kids into nice, respectful teenagers. And that is something that I really, really want.