Just like Italy.
The waiter approaches our table: "Oh my!" I realize he has seen the floor and the scattering of Cheerios and corn-flavored puffs. He asks what we want to drink, and I proudly state that we are ready to place our food order, efficient are we. I order for everyone except Jerry, and Jerry is ready as well. This should take no time.

Will starts banging mug. The perfect entertainment, but at least three tables whip their heads around to stare at us. Mug removed, baby cries.

Kid drinks come quickly, I smile at waiter. I feed Will apple juice through a straw. He drinks it happily, and starts to cry when I don't refill it fast enough. I soon get tired of it, put down straw, and he screams. Jerry takes over. That's right, train mommy and daddy.

The people at the next table have a kid the same age, and quickly decide we are friends. I don't want anymore friends. I want peace and quiet over dinner.

Waiter comes with dinner for kids. I am impressed with his speed. He then comes with fake vacuum and makes the puffs disappear. I feed french fries to Will. He is happy for at least 30 seconds.

I think of telling Jerry an important detail about my day, but then forget. No time now. Must focus on keeping beast happy.

Adult food comes. I cram bites in. Bell pepper, angel hair, tender chicken. Which bite first? Which combination best? No time for petty thoughts; must cram.

Will screams. Need more juice. I feed and down cheap wine.

On the other side: Charlie making shooting noises with fork and nugget.

People across table smile at us again. I smile, obligatedly.

Waiter asks how food is, we ask for two to-go boxes, and bill, and quick. He smiles and leaves. I joke that we've only got thirty seconds. Will screams. Ok, two seconds. Jerry takes kids to car, I'm in charge of bill. The usual.


Blogger Kyla said...

The joys of family dining! You should see the fall out after KayTar eats at a restaurant. Because of her feeding issues, she takes bites of things and then immediately spits them out. Have you seen the movie Casper? Remember how it looked after the ghosts "ate"? The huge piles of food under them because the food went right through? That is was the floor looks like under the table. We always feel AWFUL. But it keeps her quiet. *lol*

7:09 AM  
Blogger dodo said...

i know it's awful - the cramming and not enjoying because you're on defcon 12 with super heightened situation containment senses - but the only way for it to improve is to keep doing it. I tried various places for practicsing eating out with P. The best was a small place run by the owner/chef which was largely frequented at lunchtimes by granny age people, mostly friendly, mostly seen it all before with their own kids and grandkids. I found it took the pressure off somewhat with regards to noise levels, table manners etc. PLus, if I wanted to go to the bathroom alone, there were always a bunch of willing laps. often when she'd finished eating, she would be invited to another table to chat or look at a book while I actually enjoyed and the rest of my meal. By the time she was 2 I could take her anywhere, and now she's 3 we regularly bargain with her that if she has a nap in the afternoon she can come out to dinner with us at night. she loves it. loves asking about the things on the menu and generally is very interested in trying different foods.

12:00 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Red! Where have you gone??

6:58 AM  
Blogger dodo said...

i think they actually upped and went to Italy.

2:04 AM  

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