What daycare providers talk about when parents aren't around, Part II
I belong to a few daycare provider support groups, if you could call them that. I log on, ask my question for the day, and receive tons of answers from people who have been doing this way too long. They are experts, and I love them.
The topics vary from day to day, but are along the lines of: Baby won't stop crying. Parents won't pay me on time. Is this child ADD? This child won't eat. How do you teach the alphabet? Time-outs are not working. Need craft ideas. Are these tantrums normal? Do you teach manners at this age? Feeling frustrated, want to quit. How to get kids to nap in same room?
In December, that all changes. I see things like: Did your families buy you a Christmas gift? Feeling underappreciated. What did you recieve? Gift etiquette. This parent never acknowledges me.
Let me back up. I keep reading articles like this on who to tip at Christmas, and how much. Garbage collector ($10-$30 each). Newspaper delivery guy ($10-$30). Massage therapist - up to one session's fee ($65). Hair cutter - the cost of one visit ($60). When I read these guidelines, I think they sound so unrealistic. If I added up all the recommended tips for people who provided us services this year, we would owe about $200. We can't afford that, and we don't tip all those people above and beyond the normal tip amounts (except the garbage guy. He is different. Another topic alltogether.)
But when it comes to the person who wipes your kid's nose and applies butt paste to their special place, some kind of appreciation is in order. The recommended $25-$75 isn't necessary. Not that I would turn that down, but the monetary gift isn't the point.
I can't ignore the anger that comes out on these boards around Christmastime, and it makes me sad. There is urgency in their typed voices: "what did you receive?" and, "I can't believe I got stiffed again." I can't help but think that the issue is not so much the Christmas present or lack thereof, but the fact that some providers feel under-appreciated all year long, and that anger comes to a head during a time of supposed generosity.
I have received things like candles and chocolates and gift certificates, and I appreciate them. In the two Christmases of doing this, a couple parents did not get me anything at all. But I didn't care, because in both cases I felt totally appreciated by them. A gift would have felt like excess. I think Thank you goes a long way.
I belong to a few daycare provider support groups, if you could call them that. I log on, ask my question for the day, and receive tons of answers from people who have been doing this way too long. They are experts, and I love them.
The topics vary from day to day, but are along the lines of: Baby won't stop crying. Parents won't pay me on time. Is this child ADD? This child won't eat. How do you teach the alphabet? Time-outs are not working. Need craft ideas. Are these tantrums normal? Do you teach manners at this age? Feeling frustrated, want to quit. How to get kids to nap in same room?
In December, that all changes. I see things like: Did your families buy you a Christmas gift? Feeling underappreciated. What did you recieve? Gift etiquette. This parent never acknowledges me.
Let me back up. I keep reading articles like this on who to tip at Christmas, and how much. Garbage collector ($10-$30 each). Newspaper delivery guy ($10-$30). Massage therapist - up to one session's fee ($65). Hair cutter - the cost of one visit ($60). When I read these guidelines, I think they sound so unrealistic. If I added up all the recommended tips for people who provided us services this year, we would owe about $200. We can't afford that, and we don't tip all those people above and beyond the normal tip amounts (except the garbage guy. He is different. Another topic alltogether.)
But when it comes to the person who wipes your kid's nose and applies butt paste to their special place, some kind of appreciation is in order. The recommended $25-$75 isn't necessary. Not that I would turn that down, but the monetary gift isn't the point.
I can't ignore the anger that comes out on these boards around Christmastime, and it makes me sad. There is urgency in their typed voices: "what did you receive?" and, "I can't believe I got stiffed again." I can't help but think that the issue is not so much the Christmas present or lack thereof, but the fact that some providers feel under-appreciated all year long, and that anger comes to a head during a time of supposed generosity.
I have received things like candles and chocolates and gift certificates, and I appreciate them. In the two Christmases of doing this, a couple parents did not get me anything at all. But I didn't care, because in both cases I felt totally appreciated by them. A gift would have felt like excess. I think Thank you goes a long way.
posted by Andrea at 11:59 PM
9 Comments:
ditto!!
I agree with you...
I used to do daycare years ago when we were first married. I don't remember if I got gifts or not but I know I never got a full weeks pay or anything. I'm sure I barely got a 'thank you' as the families weren't rich - they were barely scrounging by.
But then again, I think the entire American idea of tipping in general is insane... and giving loads and loads of freebies and tips and gifts to every person I've came in contact with under the sun for the last year seems ridiculous. (The person who gives you a massage!????).
But... having said all that - when my kids were in preschool we ALWAYS give a gift of goodies or something to the teacher. (My kids went to a Parents Day Out program instead of traditional in home daycare).
... but in our mind we were saying "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" not 'thank you' - which I guess starts a whole new topic. LOL.
I also think Christmas should not be about money, or feeling obligated to give, or making nice with people you should have been nice to all along. You know? Christmas has become too big and complicated.
We don't tip....anyone except the person who bring food to our table at a restaurant. But we did give KayTar's (5) therapists each a Starbucks card for Christmas and a Christmas card with the kids photo on it. And for our WONDERFUL pediatrician we got her a spa gift certificate, because we are SO thankful for her. We gave to these people because they touch our lives in such a way that we couldn't resist giving them some small token of appreciation.
If you were the person taking care of our kids, you would DEFINITELY be on our list, because there really isn't anyone more important than the ones who nurture your child.
this has made me realise that I didn't give anything to the day nursery where my offspring goes. last year i gave them some wine and chocs. this year I didn't even do a card. Different staff this year, different class - in every sense of the word. last year i'd have given them a an extended christmas holiday in the tropics.
Your post is real food for thought about how much has changed sice she moved up in september.
This is such a helpful perspective. I wasn't really planning to buy a gift this year for my day-care provider, but things seemed to fall into place - I had some cinnamon-scented hand-soap looking for a good home. And then when hubby got a Christmas bonus (the first year either of us have ever received such a thing), I decided to add $60 to her cheque (which, really, is minimal - it only pays for the week that we're missing between Christmas and New Years), and she was so grateful it was overwhelming. I think you're right - it's the appreciation that makes all the difference.
I must say that I can connect with your blog. I am a teacher and my friend (also a teacher) had a discussion about this the other day. I don't expect a gift, but a "thank you" would be nice. Just a card, or note...I'm not picky!!! For example, I have five students that I tutor after school...for free...and I got nothing. At first I was upset, but now I'm just disappointed. My friend had happy meals donated for her class Christmas party. She sent a letter home stating that the parents could sent goodies of for the students if they wanted. Once student said that his parents didn't send anything because it's the teacher's job to take care of it! I thought...oh..my...sorry but that wasn't in my contract!!!
I had to blab...just let me say "good point"!
Have a great new year!
The best gift I ever got when I was teaching was a long letter about how much the parents appreciated everything I had done for their child. It's nice to hear that the parents noticed how much I did. I don't even remember the gifts I was given, just the letters. This year, the parents of the little boys I watch wrote a note telling me how lucky they are to have met me. They also sent presents for everyone in my family (all 4 kids!) but the letter is what made me really happy.
We've got an amazing center in our little town, and found that we WANTED to do sweet things for them. We didn't spend much money (we've done that the past two Christmases in different settings and found that the complete lack of "thanks for the gift" irked us and we didn't feel good about the interaction). This year, we got a little crafty and sent no-sew fleece scarves to her three teachers, a $10 Starb*ck's card for the main AMAZING teacher, and a big ole bucket o' gingerbread cookies for the front desk.
The giving was much more heartfelt than obligatory, and interestingly, everyone said thanks right away too. We all appreciate each other, and we're so lucky our center can keep her all the way until kindergarten!
And if you we lived near you or you lived near us, we would SO be on your wait list! ;-)
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