I've been away awhile.

Something about running a home daycare makes me feel very isolated. I've heard stay-at-home moms say that they go crazy staying home all day having three-year-old conversations, but this is different. I mean, I do have that on the weekends, and it's different than my Monday through Friday job. During the week we have a purpose, and I'm focused on teaching them social skills and facts and perfecting our daily routine to minimize the craziness... so it's different than that feeling I have when it's just me and my kids. But it is still isolating.

When all the kids are gone and Husband comes home to watch our kids, I dart upstairs. And I'd like to say it's so that I can log on to CNN.com or call my sister or blog or do some other adult thing, but usually it's to read... about kids.

Every day I encounter some new kid challenge, and in the evening, I read about how to handle it. There's always something.

But what about me? Am I a something?

The other day I had this conversation:
Me: Ow.
Charlie: What happened?
Me: I bumped my head.
Charlie: Where?
Me: On the car.
Charlie: On what part of the car?
Me: Right there.
Charlie: But how did you bump your head on that part of the car?
Me (in my head): What difference does it make? I just bumped my fucking head! I just said "ow." Do I have to stop saying "ow?" Can a person not make a comment in passing without all the follow-up questions?
Me (in actuality): Oh, I dunno sweetie. Let's just be quiet for a minute.

And I realized that a little part of my brain has died. The adult, formerly-intellectual, thirsty for knowledge* part of my brain.
* Adult knowledge, which includes such topics as world events, politics, the arts (not arts & crafts), hell... even Hollywood gossip would be a step up.

So, I am putting myself on daycare bulletin board restriction. Only 30 minutes per day. And while the kids nap... no computer time at all. I am also requiring myself to start reading the paper every day, like I used to, like most normal adults who care about the world do. And I might also start blogging again, though it might be kid related. Baby steps.


Blogger ~JJ! said...

So good to see you back....Missed you much!

4:33 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

YAY! You're here! I've missed you!

I use the "I don't know...let's just be quiet for a few minutes." all the time with BubTar. Because jabberjabberjabberjabberWHYWHYWHYjabberjabberWHY.

5:24 AM  
Blogger dodo said...

for some reason i'm hearing that tiny woman from that horrible film "come into the light, carolann . . "

sorry - can't help my brain, either!

good to see/hear/read you again

8:06 AM  
Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

The fact that you would go use your 30 minutes of alone time to read about child development is so admirable - especially after being with kids all day. Can you be my childcare provider?? How far from CA to CO again? :)

But I totally get why you would put yourself on daycare bulletin board restriction. You need adult time for sure. Reading the paper is a great idea. I have wanted to do that for months and haven't gotten around to it. I usually recycle it before I've even opened it. So sad.

1:42 PM  

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