Toddler Birthday Parties
For those of you who don't yet have toddlers, let me help you keep your friends with my Top Eight List for a Successful Toddler Party. No, not successful for your toddler, because they won't care if you celebrate their Birthday by throwing sticks in a pond or killing ants with toy golf clubs -- but successful in the eyes of your friends, coworkers, neighbors, and anyone else you claim to care about.
8. Don't schedule the party during the average child's naptime. Seems obvious, right? It's not. 86.5% of the toddler parties I have attended involved the Birthday child having a major meltdown, followed by the following parental explanation: "It's his naptime. You'll have to forgive him." Um, you mean I will have to forgive you, the nitwit who scheduled it now. So if you want your party to last two hours, then don't let any part of that block of time occur between 11:30 and 3:00. Which leads me to...
7. No toddler party should ever, ever, under any circumstances, last more than 2 hours tops. Why? Because no one cares as much as you do about the presents your child received, about how cute they look when they play together, about watching them eat cake. Really. People who have kids would much rather spend their valuable weekend time doing adult activities. If you and the grandparents want to have an extended party, fine, but let the rest of the guests go home after a reasonable amount of toddler craziness.
6. In order to maintain Rule #7, do not plan on opening presents 1 hour and 50 minutes after the party start time, followed by cake time. Why? Because no guest wants to appear rude by not watching your kid open presents, so you are essentially forcing them to hang out with kids for more than 2 hours, and no guest who is also a parent wants to leave before cake time, because their kid has been nagging them for cake the entire time. Give kids 1 hour to play, 15 minutes for presents, 15 minutes for cake, and then those who truly cannot bear to leave can choose to stay another half-hour. Sound fair?
5. Don't talk to your child in a high-pitched voice about how you "super love them," especially if your child is over the age of 3 months. On second thought, you should never "super" love anybody, as the word "love," in and of itself already conveys the strongest form of affection.
4. Don't send kids home with party favors that involve pictures of your child. The goal of a party favor is to give toddlers -- who have just watched another child open and keep forty-five gifts -- something to make them happy, such as a whistle, Dum Dums, maybe even a plastic ring. But no three-year-old is going to be delighted to receive an Olan Mills photo of their buddy standing against a blue marble backdrop. So mail those pictures to those you "super" love and give everyone else the fun stuff - which is what party favors are meant for.
3. If your child has a meltdown during present-opening time, don't force them to open their presents anyway, thus causing that uncomfortable feeling in the room. Just kindly explain to your guests that Jr. will have to open the gifts later and that you appreciate their bringing a gift. Or you could just open the gifts for Jr. while he goes into the other room to nap.
And the lesson I learned for myself, the hard way:
2. Do not spend more than $50 total on your child's party. Why? Because they do not care. Because it makes them start to expect this in the future. Because it is money wasted. Because absolutely no one in the universe is impressed except for you, not even your Birthday child. Which brings me to #1...
1. Think of what is truly the funnest thing for your child, and do that for him. I recently learned that my son's favorite part of our vacation was looking at trees and bushes in his nana's backyard. It involved no picture taking, no getting dressed up, no decoration, and no preparation whatsoever. His Birthday party was quite the opposite and left a huge dent in my wallet. So I guess in a nutshell: think like your child and define "fun" in the most simple way.
For those of you who don't yet have toddlers, let me help you keep your friends with my Top Eight List for a Successful Toddler Party. No, not successful for your toddler, because they won't care if you celebrate their Birthday by throwing sticks in a pond or killing ants with toy golf clubs -- but successful in the eyes of your friends, coworkers, neighbors, and anyone else you claim to care about.
8. Don't schedule the party during the average child's naptime. Seems obvious, right? It's not. 86.5% of the toddler parties I have attended involved the Birthday child having a major meltdown, followed by the following parental explanation: "It's his naptime. You'll have to forgive him." Um, you mean I will have to forgive you, the nitwit who scheduled it now. So if you want your party to last two hours, then don't let any part of that block of time occur between 11:30 and 3:00. Which leads me to...
7. No toddler party should ever, ever, under any circumstances, last more than 2 hours tops. Why? Because no one cares as much as you do about the presents your child received, about how cute they look when they play together, about watching them eat cake. Really. People who have kids would much rather spend their valuable weekend time doing adult activities. If you and the grandparents want to have an extended party, fine, but let the rest of the guests go home after a reasonable amount of toddler craziness.
6. In order to maintain Rule #7, do not plan on opening presents 1 hour and 50 minutes after the party start time, followed by cake time. Why? Because no guest wants to appear rude by not watching your kid open presents, so you are essentially forcing them to hang out with kids for more than 2 hours, and no guest who is also a parent wants to leave before cake time, because their kid has been nagging them for cake the entire time. Give kids 1 hour to play, 15 minutes for presents, 15 minutes for cake, and then those who truly cannot bear to leave can choose to stay another half-hour. Sound fair?
5. Don't talk to your child in a high-pitched voice about how you "super love them," especially if your child is over the age of 3 months. On second thought, you should never "super" love anybody, as the word "love," in and of itself already conveys the strongest form of affection.
4. Don't send kids home with party favors that involve pictures of your child. The goal of a party favor is to give toddlers -- who have just watched another child open and keep forty-five gifts -- something to make them happy, such as a whistle, Dum Dums, maybe even a plastic ring. But no three-year-old is going to be delighted to receive an Olan Mills photo of their buddy standing against a blue marble backdrop. So mail those pictures to those you "super" love and give everyone else the fun stuff - which is what party favors are meant for.
3. If your child has a meltdown during present-opening time, don't force them to open their presents anyway, thus causing that uncomfortable feeling in the room. Just kindly explain to your guests that Jr. will have to open the gifts later and that you appreciate their bringing a gift. Or you could just open the gifts for Jr. while he goes into the other room to nap.
And the lesson I learned for myself, the hard way:
2. Do not spend more than $50 total on your child's party. Why? Because they do not care. Because it makes them start to expect this in the future. Because it is money wasted. Because absolutely no one in the universe is impressed except for you, not even your Birthday child. Which brings me to #1...
1. Think of what is truly the funnest thing for your child, and do that for him. I recently learned that my son's favorite part of our vacation was looking at trees and bushes in his nana's backyard. It involved no picture taking, no getting dressed up, no decoration, and no preparation whatsoever. His Birthday party was quite the opposite and left a huge dent in my wallet. So I guess in a nutshell: think like your child and define "fun" in the most simple way.
posted by Andrea at 5:54 PM
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