10.28.2006

Our kid is getting the best of us.

Last July on his third Birthday, Charlie was 90% potty trained. He peed in the potty, stayed dry all day for about 4 days in a row and would have the occasional accident, but wouldn't poop on the potty. That part was frustrating, but at least we knew he could pee on the potty, and pretty independently.

For the last couple months he has been regressing in a major way. I know they say that this is normal, but is this normal?

He will hold it forever. When it has been 4-5 hours, I'll suggest he go on the potty. He says no. So I use the Love and Logic approach: "Do you want to go now, or in 2 minutes?" He always says 2 minutes. So I set the timer. I tell him that when the timer goes off, he isn't allowed to whine or scream or cry or complain. He looks me straight in the eye and says OK.

The timer goes off. He complains and whines, I remind him that he isn't supposed to do that, he reluctantly says OK.

Fast forward 10 minutes. We are now on the hallway on our way to the potty.

Fast forward 10 minutes. He almost has his pants off. I tell him I will help him, but only if he helps me (i.e., don't play with your truck with your pants half off while daycare kids are in the next room unattended, and then freak out and scream when I go to check on them, only to fart around again when I return).

Fast forward 3 (feels like 10) minutes. His pants are removed by him but only with much drama and whining.

Ten minutes later... standing at the potty, semi-playing with himself, giggling, and saying, "mommy, yook."

I say that I'll be right back when he is ready to go pee.

Three minutes later, he announces he has gone. I have to remind him to wash his hands.

Five minutes later I check on him and he is washing his train in the water. I threaten that "candy time is almost over" and will be over if he continues to play. Whining, some odd high-pitched noises, some grunts.

I end up putting his pants on. He is capable of doing this.

Regardless, he gets a fucking gummy bear.

Five hours later he pees himself with a grin on his face. I forgot to remind him to go, but I know that I shouldn't have had to.

Later he is put into a time-out for, like, stealing a toy or something, so he pees himself.

Hubby says we have made this too much of a battle. We have made it too clear that we care about this. Charlie is regaining power by peeing on himself when he is capable of doing otherwise.

So today we asked if he was ready to return to diapers, he says no, but at the same time, he doesn't seem to care much. I put size 5 Huggies on him (no fun pull-ups, even). I feel this is the perfect solution - after all, he can choose to use the potty like a big boy, or he can choose to have his diaper changed like a baby. I don't care anymore -- at least on the surface that is true. Mean? Manipulative?

A few hours later, I tell him it is time to change his diaper. He puts up a huge fight, fusses, screams on the changing table, successfully kicks me and wriggles away a few times. I tell him if he continues to do this, he will have a time-out. He sorta stops. I change his diaper after 5 minutes.

So no matter what we do, there is still a power struggle? What is the solution???

P.S. I also find it very sad and frustrating that if this were not my child (like a daycare kid) this problem would have SO been nipped in the bud months ago.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Power. That's all they want.

Since struggling with the potty for what...6 months now, I have decided not to even mention the potty to my daughter (almost 3). Once in a while she asks to sit on it and I tell her 'no'. It's only for big girls who put their pee and poop in it. I think she's starting to understand that it's not a toy and it is used for a specific purpose. She sat on it a bajillion times, pooped in it twice (almost by accident) and never peed in it. I'm tired. I'm pissed. I'm fed up.

It's the only thing she is denying. She switched into a big girl bed, no problem. She takes a time out like a man. She apologizes and says please and thank you (most of the time). She whiles and complains...I think it's just a lack of vocabulary...so I give her words to use instead of whining...It's just the potty she will not do.

When she decides to use it, she will...if she's in pre-school when it happens, so be it. I can't do it. I give up. I just take comfort in the fact that she will not be going to college in a pull-up.

Good luck in finding your strength.

3:17 AM  
Blogger Me said...

I think... I would start feeding him a lot of sunflower seeds, cake made from prunes, pistachio nuts, and juice for snacks.

It's very possible he just was a little constipated once or twice and it hurt to go... which scared him into thinking it will hurt every time. OF course then he holds it, and it DOES end up being hard to go. Vicious circle.

Maybe just stop fussing about it, feed him lots of nuts and juice and dried fruit and prune cupcakes and such... and let nature take it's course. The urge to go will be there so strong he can't hold it back - and they should be soft enough that it will show him it doesn't hurt to poop.

????

4:50 AM  
Blogger Andrea said...

mmmmm... prune cake. Yummy.
Thank you both for the advice! I am definitely monitoring the poop and acting accordingly with fiber.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Kyla said...

Hmmm...I'm not help here. My BubTar was incredibly easy to train, except that we are still wiping his tushie, he even sings us a little song about it sometimes "Come wipe my BUUUUUUUTTTTTT!" I'm guessing I'll be getting payback for his easiness with my sweet KayTar. *lol* So I'll be reading these comments and putting the ideas away for when they become necessary. :)

12:38 PM  

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