Closure?

In response to my pre-diabetic diagnosis and my semi-complete failure to give up sugar, I have decided to make the other change that I should have made long ago: start exercising.

Studies show that when pre-diabetic people make lifestyle changes with diet and exercise, the chances of developing diabetes is reduced by 58%. So really, I have no excuse.

I look at the directory of evening classes offered at my local recreation center, and there is one beginners yoga class offered in the evening, called Pre/Post Natal Yoga. Well, my baby is 8 months. Can I be considered Post Natal? I do need an easy class, so this will be a good way to start.

I arrive at class, and I am the only one not pregnant.

Being in a class with six pregnant women and a cutely pregnant instructor named Charity feels a little odd. When it is time to start deep-breathing, I feel excited. I remember how much this relaxed me last time. But then she starts talking about "delivering precious oxygen to our babies." I feel strangely empty.

When doing leg lifts, she says something about "if you are too far along in your pregnancy to lie on your back, you may do this lying on your side." Everyone turns to their sides, and I ask her how to do it the normal way. Then we do a squat-type exercise with a partner, important not just for strengthening our upper legs, but in case we choose to squat during labor.

I hear my mom's voice in my head -- the one that spoke to me just the other day as she read my fortune from my Chinese cookie, the one that mentioned a new arrival -- and she said, "Oh, maybe this time it will be a girl." I told her straight up we are done having kids and my two boys are enough. Later she said, "Well, if you knew for sure that you could have a girl, then would you try again?" Without thought, I said No. I didn't mention that I had just finished asking our insurance company about our vasectomy benefit.

Then, at the end of class, we meditated for 5 minutes, deep breathing and listening to wonderfully odd music. It was serene. And my eyes filled up with tears when Charity directed us to thank our amazing bodies for creating this life inside us.

Need some self-control here

I have never been a person who possesses any sort of self-control. I spend what I want, eat what I want, and pretty much do what I want with my personal time. As a result, my finances are usually messed up, I overeat, and I have been reliably late to each of my office jobs. I've always known that at some point, I would make some changes.

A year ago I found out that I'm pre-diabetic. I have let this small fact sit inside my brain nagging me for exactly 12 months. For example, as I eat cake, I think, damn, I am really going to miss this someday. As I gorge cookie dough, I enjoy it just that much more. Lindt chocolate balls are savored like an illicit affair.

I feel like I just had a turning point. Maybe it started when I was told my glucose levels have gone up since my last test 3 months ago. Or when I was watching Scrubs and Turk found out he was diabetic, and J.D. said, "so if you eat that piece of cake, your foot will fall off."

So I started to organize all the bits of information in my brain into something useful. Instead of bitching to myself about how I can eat nothing, I started to think about what I can eat. And how I can do that. And other ways to not go crazy when all I want is a fat bag of chips and a Coke.

Although I feel my brain had a turning point and I am able to make some changes, there is another part of my brain that wants what it can't have. So I'm not there yet.

Anyone have any tips for maintaining self-control -- with money, overeating, or other nasty habits, let me know.